If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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