guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
