Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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