something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We need to get me chipped asap
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
