so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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