I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
