I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
