I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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