So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im part way to drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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