I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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