Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
