Kiss
Puke
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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