would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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