he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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