Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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