I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
