Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize