I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
