Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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