He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
