Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
