I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
