I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
