is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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