Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
