my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
These tits shall not be calmed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize