In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want a musical about memes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
