"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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