Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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