I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
