remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
