I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
