she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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