So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
