you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
