THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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