Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
