There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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