where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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