Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
