Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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