Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
