Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize