Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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