woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
