I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
