i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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