I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
