I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
