So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
