I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
