Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
