I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did I show you my penis last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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