just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize