Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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