That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
