dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
