He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
