I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
