He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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