i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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