Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
