I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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