Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
