Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
