So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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