I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
