If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
