i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
