You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
