I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
