Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
