Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
