Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
handjob tips. give me some.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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