remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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